Seven Stages of Snoozenet 105 To help lessen the frequency of frequently asked questions, many news- groups have volunteers who periodically post articles, called FAQs, that contain the frequently asked questions and their answers. This seems to help some, but not always. There are often articles that say “where’s the FAQ” or, more rudely, say “I suppose this is a FAQ, but ...” Seven Stages of Snoozenet By Mark Waks The seven stages of a Usenet poster, with illustrative examples. Innocence HI. I AM NEW HERE. WHY DO THEY CALL THIS TALK.BIZARRE? I THINK THAT THIS NEWSFROUP OOPS, NEWGROUP --- HEE, HEE) STUFF IS REAL NEAT. :-) -- MY FIRST SMILEY. DO YOU HAVE INTERESTING ONES? PLEASE POST SOME I THINK THAT THEIR COOL. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY BIZARRE DEAD BABY JOKES? Enthusiasm Wow! This stuff is great! But one thing I’ve noticed is that every time someone tries to tell a dead baby joke, everyone says that they don’t want to hear them. This really sucks there are a lot of us who *like* dead baby jokes. Therefore, I propose that we create the news- group rec.humor.dead.babies specifically for those of us who like these jokes. Can anyone tell me how to create a newsgroup? Arrogance In message (3.14159@BAR), FOO@BAR.BITNET says: [dead chicken joke deleted] This sort of joke DOES NOT BELONG HERE! Can’t you read the rules? Gene Spafford *clearly states* in the List of Newsgroups: rec.humor.dead.babies Dead Baby joke swapping

106 Snoozenet Simple enough for you? It’s not enough that the creature be dead, it *must* be a baby—capeesh? This person is clearly scum—they’re even hiding behind a pseudonym. I mean, what kind of a name is FOO, anyway? I am writing to the sysadmin at BAR.BITNET requesting that this person’s net access be revoked immediately. If said sysadmin does not comply, they are obviously in on it—I will urge that their feeds cut them off post-haste, so that they cannot spread this kind of #%!T over the net. Disgust In message (102938363617@Wumpus), James_The_Giant_Killer@Wumpus writes: Q: How do you fit 54 dead babies in a Tupperware bowl? ^L A: La Machine! HAHAHA! Are you people completely devoid of imagination? We’ve heard this joke *at least* 20 times, in the past three months alone! When we first started this newsgroup, it was dynamic and innova- tive. We would trade dead baby jokes that were truly fresh ones that no one had heard before. Half the jokes were *completely* original to this group. Now, all we have are hacks who want to hear them- selves speak. You people are dull as dishwater. I give up I’m unsub- scribing, as of now. You can have your stupid arguments without me. Good-bye! Resignation In message (12345@wildebeest) wildman@wildebeest complains: In message (2@newsite) newby@newsite (Jim Newbs) writes: How do you stuff 500 dead babies in a garbage can? With a Cuisinart! ARRGGHH! We went out and created rec.humor.dead.babes.new specifically to keep this sort of ANCIENT jokes out! Go away and stick with r.h.d.b until you manage to come up with an imagination, okay? Hey, wildman, chill out. When you’ve been around as long as I have, you’ll come to understand that twits are a part of life on the net. Look