106 Snoozenet Simple enough for you? It’s not enough that the creature be dead, it *must* be a baby—capeesh? This person is clearly scum—they’re even hiding behind a pseudonym. I mean, what kind of a name is FOO, anyway? I am writing to the sysadmin at BAR.BITNET requesting that this person’s net access be revoked immediately. If said sysadmin does not comply, they are obviously in on it—I will urge that their feeds cut them off post-haste, so that they cannot spread this kind of #%!T over the net. Disgust In message (102938363617@Wumpus), James_The_Giant_Killer@Wumpus writes: Q: How do you fit 54 dead babies in a Tupperware bowl? ^L A: La Machine! HAHAHA! Are you people completely devoid of imagination? We’ve heard this joke *at least* 20 times, in the past three months alone! When we first started this newsgroup, it was dynamic and innova- tive. We would trade dead baby jokes that were truly fresh ones that no one had heard before. Half the jokes were *completely* original to this group. Now, all we have are hacks who want to hear them- selves speak. You people are dull as dishwater. I give up I’m unsub- scribing, as of now. You can have your stupid arguments without me. Good-bye! Resignation In message (12345@wildebeest) wildman@wildebeest complains: In message (2@newsite) newby@newsite (Jim Newbs) writes: How do you stuff 500 dead babies in a garbage can? With a Cuisinart! ARRGGHH! We went out and created rec.humor.dead.babes.new specifically to keep this sort of ANCIENT jokes out! Go away and stick with r.h.d.b until you manage to come up with an imagination, okay? Hey, wildman, chill out. When you’ve been around as long as I have, you’ll come to understand that twits are a part of life on the net. Look

Seven Stages of Snoozenet 107 at it this way: at least they haven’t overwhelmed us yet. Most of the jokes in rec.humor.dead.babes.new are still fresh and interesting. We can hope that people like newby above will go lurk until they under- stand the subtleties of dead baby joke creation, but we should bear with them if they don’t. Keep your cool, and don’t let it bug you. Ossification In message (6:00@cluck), chickenman@cluck (Cluck Kent) crows: In message (2374373@nybble), byte@nybble (J. Quartermass Public) writes: In message (5:00@cluck), chickenman@cluck (Cluck Kent) crows: In message (2364821@nybble), byte@nybble (J. Quartermass Public) writes: In message (4:00@cluck), chickenman@cluck(Cluck Kent) crows: Therefore, I propose the creation of rec.humor.dead.chicken. Before they go asking for this newsgroup, I point out that they should follow the rules. The guidelines clearly state that you should be able to prove sufficient volume for this group. I have heard no such volume in rec.humor.dead.babes, so I must conclude that this proposal is a sham and a fraud on the face of it. The last time we tried to post a dead chicken joke to r.h.d.b, we were yelled at to keep out! How DARE you accuse us of not having the volume, you TURD? This sort of ad hominem attack is uncalled for. My point is simply this: if there were interest in telling jokes about dead chickens, then we surely would have heard some jokes about dead *baby* chickens in r.h.d.b. We haven’t heard any such jokes, so it is obvious that there is no interest in chicken jokes. That doesn’t even make sense! Your logic is completely flawed. It should be clear to people by now that this Cluckhead is full of it. There is no interest in rec.humor.dead.chicken, so it should not be created. People like this really burn me. Doesn’t he realize that it will just take a few more newsgroups to bring this whole house of cards down around us? First, we get rec.humor.dead.chicken (and undoubtedly, rec.humor.dead.chicken.new). Next, they’ll be asking for rec.humor.ethnic. Then, rec.humor.newfy. By that time, all of the news admins in the world will have decided to drop us completely. Is that what you want, Cluck? To bring about the end of Usenet? Humph!